Behind It All
By Robby Chandra
Darkness engulfs my mind, rendering it pitch-black to all of my senses... Black shadows ran wildly amongst the shady characters that seem to haunt me. With every moment of being in here, my mind runs amuck trying to imagine the dark possibilities that linger every corner of my mind. It won’t stop, no… why won’t it go away. Hush, I hear something. Like noises from the dark, it creeps up to my ear eerily. I shudder at the being that could create such a horrendous sound. Its volume incessantly increases, screaming in my ear like a bloody banshee. I shake, and shake all over, screeching in pain. My heartbeats pounds immensely in my sweat-filled chest.
“No, no, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”, I shouted.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
I jerked upright, sitting on my bed as i shivered from my lucid dreaming while my alarm clock shook intensely. I quickly pummeled my clock, rendering it useless but silent. I knew this was has been frequent for me but the nightmare i had today, was simply much more than the previous ones. Sighing, i lifted up my blankets and threw them against the wall. It was only 6:40 in the morning, but i dared not to go back to sleep.
I rose steadily but my feet failed me, crippling me to the vast empty floor. I had no will to go to school, for they all have condemned me as a social outcast, as if we were on two different planets. No, i was truly by myself at school, no one bothered to remember my name or talk to me. I only have myself to look after, but in a way, i feel this is better. I won’t have to suffer any heartbreaks or drama from friends. I rose up again, this time, making sure i don’t fall. But the weight of it all pushed heavily against me. Every acceptable standard of society didn’t press on to me, and so, i am pushed aside by the waves of mundane expectations. No one has ever convinced or at least to try to convince me to become ‘normal’, even my mother. My mother was always gone, ‘busy at work’ she always said though i never bothered to ask her what her job was. Instead, we got by small conversations and her daily little note that she would leave on the table. But never would she realize why it was dripping of crimson red liquid, her writing soaked and stained with the water of life, and the enigmatic message on the back.
I briskly walked to the bathroom, gripping on to the walls of my bedroom for support, and stopped right in front of the mirror.
My eyes, weary from the constant nightmares, sagged like bags of sand onto my cold cheek. I let my eyes drift from the mirror to the faucet, letting the hot water flow through my hands. Relaxing, i gave my hands a scrub but stopped midway when the temperature fell.
THUD.
My heart skipped several beats and my hands shook violently. There was something out there. I knew it was not my mother for she never came back so early.
THUD.
It was happening again, and as terrified as i became, i mustered all of my courage and tiptoed out into the tiny hallway of my house. The floor creaked in a ominous high pitch much to my dismay, as i continued slowly walking closer and closer to the stairs. I leaned against the wooden railing on the staircase, and peered over slowly. The noise had seemed to stop, and i leaned against the wall, resting my head on it and let my eyes close again. It was already too late.
With a hard grip on my throat, the poltergeist launched and nearly succeeded. I somersaulted to the side, crashing against the wall, hitting the hanging portraits of my grandparents and landed unevenly on my side. Whispers formed around my ears, each letter shaped like a curved hook, bent on wrapping around my throat, as i listened semi-unconsciously.
"Save.. yourself… go.. be..gone”
Chills swirled around my arm, alerting me, and i opened my eyes. It was gone. Nervously, i ran into my room and quickly changed my clothes and grabbed my bookbag. Shadows formed where gaps had lie, coming into life, ready to haunt and seek those it deemed worthy. My heartbeat was pounding violently, and most objects became slightly blurry. Making sure to hold on to the railing, i ran downstairs and into the kitchen. The kitchen had always smelled pungent, but the smell of a foreign object was becoming stronger. I grabbed the note on the table and stuffed it into my pocket. I made a dash for the door and nearly ran into it too. Like a murder scene, blood was splattered on the door. I took note of the very faint, but visible letters.
"...watching..."
I swirled around quickly to check behind me, panicked at the thought of a potential stalker or even a ghost.
“Who's there, come out now!”, i exclaimed.
The empty silence would not give in, instead choosing to remain anonymous. Scanning the room frantically for clues left me shrouded in mystery. Nothing. I knew i couldn’t let this keep on bothering me, but my eyes and heart seem to betray me. Twisting the doorknob nervously, i headed out. Sunshine. I glared at the sun, glaring at its presence as its light no longer gave me comfort. Even in day, i was no longer safe.
“Safe. How unfortunately wrong it can be at times.”, i muttered.
School isn’t too far away, it’s only a couple of blocks away. I hate myself for these thoughts but i feel a presence. Ambiguous and silent, but deadly. Its presence radiated immensely, reaching into the pores of my skin. I removed these thoughts, and began walking to school.
“Tenth Avenue.” i thought to myself.
My school isn't too far from here, but i still looked back again. My curiosity failed to satisfy my insatiable desire to discover my stalker. These thoughts are helping me, i sighed. Vulnerable, weak, easy; i was an easy victim with no one. It was just me. I repressed these thoughts, stuffing these thoughts back into the corner of my mind. Instead, i began focusing on my walk to the school, imagining it as a idyllic stroll. My attempt at calming myself were cut in half by a distant sound of a bell. I knew it was the school bell, and classes were starting but i wasn’t too far so i ran. Letting the air caress my face, i ran and ran, until the school flagpole became taller and wider. I settled down, stopping to catch my breath. I saw students rushing in to get into classes, except one group. The same group of people who i believed were truly the Devil’s spawns, and could go mass murdering without any thought or empathy to the families whom they have killed.
“Hey prickhead, whaddya’ doin here so late?” shouted Tom Hankins. He was the muscular, de facto leader of the group
“... i..i…woke up late.”, i replied weakly.
“Riiiiight, so wheres my money? Ya don’t want me to beat you up right here in front of people, do ya?” he exclaimed.
“No, please… i’m sorry… i don’t have money… “, i replied despondently. His fists rolled in a ball, and his eyes rolled with contempt. I backed away slowly, and began sweating profusely. I wanted to beg, but he would never listen.
“You’re gonna regret this, ya little runt.”, he angrily answered.
Fight or flight. To live or to die. My heart began pounding wildly, i couldn’t stop shaking. Tom quickly threw a jab to my stomach in which i narrowly managed to avoid, but i laid on the stone pavement shaking. This time he came at full force, with intentions not to miss this time, and stomped at my chest. My breath became heavier and heavier, and my eyesight started to fail me. I wanted this to end, i wanted it all gone. I looked up one more time, but there was no Tom. Distorted and murky, the environment was covered in horrid shadows outlining the structures from a distance.
Nowhere is safe. I’m never safe. You’re never safe.
I held my breath in, shocked and dismayed at the sudden change. I wanted to run around, and look for people, look for the school, look for home. No, nowhere is safe. School isn’t safe, home wasn’t safe, and now finally my mental infrastructure is no longer safe. I had to be insane, no, this couldn’t have possibly happened.
Whoosh.
I heard it, the sound was coming. Its going to come, and when it does, its going to kill me. I couldn’t help but look around.
Everywhere. They were everywhere.
Shapes and figures filled the once empty vast space. Bodies and faces appeared.
Whoosh.
Again, i heard it again. I couldn't have been crazy, it’s here.
“Here… come… here”
I turned fast, intent on catching the voice. No luck. All the shapes changed and danced, colliding each other into a massive figure. Black mists ran through its body, and a sharp, curved knife formed in its obscure hands. I looked at it in its eyes, determined to end this once and for all.
“I await… come.. and be seeked..”
It stood still, glaring at me. I knew what it wanted, and i began to walk into the vast, dark vacuum. I didn’t look down, i didn't look up, all i saw was its eyes. I saw flames burning and contempt ran through its eyes, like blood from a corpse.
Walk and never look back, don’t be blinded by them.
I stopped right there. I didn't want to continue further. I knew what was going to happen.
You’re never safe, Alan.
It instead ran for me, picking speed like a hungry cheetah, the body of the spirits ran. I didn’t move, no i couldn’t have moved. I looked at it straight on, and i saw what i saw before. The slenderness, the sleek shape of my stalker was imminent on the congregation of spirits.
I couldn't move.
Pointing its knife straight for my neck, it came forth and jabbed, I didn't move.
But Alan.
I looked at the spirits, each one carefully, and saw pieces. Torn and ripped pieces of distorted memories.
Alan, don’t go.
Each spirit carried a ripped and distorted memory, containing images and information.
It’s just me, Alan.
I reached out and i touched a piece gently. Tears dropped from my eyes. I wasn’t safe.
Whoosh.
The background changed, outlines of shadows and darkness became enveloped by a hole. Slowly, i saw the familiar lines of the walls i stood before. The floor became wooden, and my bed appeared. I knew where i was. But i wasn’t safe. I got up, and i went to the place where it started. Where it all started. I walked emotionlessly, silent and deadly, to the bathroom. I took off everything and laid my mother’s note on the faucet and got into the bathtub. I allowed the flow of water run true to my ears, and i embraced it. I was never safe, it was all a lie. I let the crimson red liquid flow, and slowly i began to lay down. I embraced the pain, and now i’m finally safe.
I’m safe, I’m finally safe, Alan.
By Robby Chandra
Darkness engulfs my mind, rendering it pitch-black to all of my senses... Black shadows ran wildly amongst the shady characters that seem to haunt me. With every moment of being in here, my mind runs amuck trying to imagine the dark possibilities that linger every corner of my mind. It won’t stop, no… why won’t it go away. Hush, I hear something. Like noises from the dark, it creeps up to my ear eerily. I shudder at the being that could create such a horrendous sound. Its volume incessantly increases, screaming in my ear like a bloody banshee. I shake, and shake all over, screeching in pain. My heartbeats pounds immensely in my sweat-filled chest.
“No, no, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”, I shouted.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
I jerked upright, sitting on my bed as i shivered from my lucid dreaming while my alarm clock shook intensely. I quickly pummeled my clock, rendering it useless but silent. I knew this was has been frequent for me but the nightmare i had today, was simply much more than the previous ones. Sighing, i lifted up my blankets and threw them against the wall. It was only 6:40 in the morning, but i dared not to go back to sleep.
I rose steadily but my feet failed me, crippling me to the vast empty floor. I had no will to go to school, for they all have condemned me as a social outcast, as if we were on two different planets. No, i was truly by myself at school, no one bothered to remember my name or talk to me. I only have myself to look after, but in a way, i feel this is better. I won’t have to suffer any heartbreaks or drama from friends. I rose up again, this time, making sure i don’t fall. But the weight of it all pushed heavily against me. Every acceptable standard of society didn’t press on to me, and so, i am pushed aside by the waves of mundane expectations. No one has ever convinced or at least to try to convince me to become ‘normal’, even my mother. My mother was always gone, ‘busy at work’ she always said though i never bothered to ask her what her job was. Instead, we got by small conversations and her daily little note that she would leave on the table. But never would she realize why it was dripping of crimson red liquid, her writing soaked and stained with the water of life, and the enigmatic message on the back.
I briskly walked to the bathroom, gripping on to the walls of my bedroom for support, and stopped right in front of the mirror.
My eyes, weary from the constant nightmares, sagged like bags of sand onto my cold cheek. I let my eyes drift from the mirror to the faucet, letting the hot water flow through my hands. Relaxing, i gave my hands a scrub but stopped midway when the temperature fell.
THUD.
My heart skipped several beats and my hands shook violently. There was something out there. I knew it was not my mother for she never came back so early.
THUD.
It was happening again, and as terrified as i became, i mustered all of my courage and tiptoed out into the tiny hallway of my house. The floor creaked in a ominous high pitch much to my dismay, as i continued slowly walking closer and closer to the stairs. I leaned against the wooden railing on the staircase, and peered over slowly. The noise had seemed to stop, and i leaned against the wall, resting my head on it and let my eyes close again. It was already too late.
With a hard grip on my throat, the poltergeist launched and nearly succeeded. I somersaulted to the side, crashing against the wall, hitting the hanging portraits of my grandparents and landed unevenly on my side. Whispers formed around my ears, each letter shaped like a curved hook, bent on wrapping around my throat, as i listened semi-unconsciously.
"Save.. yourself… go.. be..gone”
Chills swirled around my arm, alerting me, and i opened my eyes. It was gone. Nervously, i ran into my room and quickly changed my clothes and grabbed my bookbag. Shadows formed where gaps had lie, coming into life, ready to haunt and seek those it deemed worthy. My heartbeat was pounding violently, and most objects became slightly blurry. Making sure to hold on to the railing, i ran downstairs and into the kitchen. The kitchen had always smelled pungent, but the smell of a foreign object was becoming stronger. I grabbed the note on the table and stuffed it into my pocket. I made a dash for the door and nearly ran into it too. Like a murder scene, blood was splattered on the door. I took note of the very faint, but visible letters.
"...watching..."
I swirled around quickly to check behind me, panicked at the thought of a potential stalker or even a ghost.
“Who's there, come out now!”, i exclaimed.
The empty silence would not give in, instead choosing to remain anonymous. Scanning the room frantically for clues left me shrouded in mystery. Nothing. I knew i couldn’t let this keep on bothering me, but my eyes and heart seem to betray me. Twisting the doorknob nervously, i headed out. Sunshine. I glared at the sun, glaring at its presence as its light no longer gave me comfort. Even in day, i was no longer safe.
“Safe. How unfortunately wrong it can be at times.”, i muttered.
School isn’t too far away, it’s only a couple of blocks away. I hate myself for these thoughts but i feel a presence. Ambiguous and silent, but deadly. Its presence radiated immensely, reaching into the pores of my skin. I removed these thoughts, and began walking to school.
“Tenth Avenue.” i thought to myself.
My school isn't too far from here, but i still looked back again. My curiosity failed to satisfy my insatiable desire to discover my stalker. These thoughts are helping me, i sighed. Vulnerable, weak, easy; i was an easy victim with no one. It was just me. I repressed these thoughts, stuffing these thoughts back into the corner of my mind. Instead, i began focusing on my walk to the school, imagining it as a idyllic stroll. My attempt at calming myself were cut in half by a distant sound of a bell. I knew it was the school bell, and classes were starting but i wasn’t too far so i ran. Letting the air caress my face, i ran and ran, until the school flagpole became taller and wider. I settled down, stopping to catch my breath. I saw students rushing in to get into classes, except one group. The same group of people who i believed were truly the Devil’s spawns, and could go mass murdering without any thought or empathy to the families whom they have killed.
“Hey prickhead, whaddya’ doin here so late?” shouted Tom Hankins. He was the muscular, de facto leader of the group
“... i..i…woke up late.”, i replied weakly.
“Riiiiight, so wheres my money? Ya don’t want me to beat you up right here in front of people, do ya?” he exclaimed.
“No, please… i’m sorry… i don’t have money… “, i replied despondently. His fists rolled in a ball, and his eyes rolled with contempt. I backed away slowly, and began sweating profusely. I wanted to beg, but he would never listen.
“You’re gonna regret this, ya little runt.”, he angrily answered.
Fight or flight. To live or to die. My heart began pounding wildly, i couldn’t stop shaking. Tom quickly threw a jab to my stomach in which i narrowly managed to avoid, but i laid on the stone pavement shaking. This time he came at full force, with intentions not to miss this time, and stomped at my chest. My breath became heavier and heavier, and my eyesight started to fail me. I wanted this to end, i wanted it all gone. I looked up one more time, but there was no Tom. Distorted and murky, the environment was covered in horrid shadows outlining the structures from a distance.
Nowhere is safe. I’m never safe. You’re never safe.
I held my breath in, shocked and dismayed at the sudden change. I wanted to run around, and look for people, look for the school, look for home. No, nowhere is safe. School isn’t safe, home wasn’t safe, and now finally my mental infrastructure is no longer safe. I had to be insane, no, this couldn’t have possibly happened.
Whoosh.
I heard it, the sound was coming. Its going to come, and when it does, its going to kill me. I couldn’t help but look around.
Everywhere. They were everywhere.
Shapes and figures filled the once empty vast space. Bodies and faces appeared.
Whoosh.
Again, i heard it again. I couldn't have been crazy, it’s here.
“Here… come… here”
I turned fast, intent on catching the voice. No luck. All the shapes changed and danced, colliding each other into a massive figure. Black mists ran through its body, and a sharp, curved knife formed in its obscure hands. I looked at it in its eyes, determined to end this once and for all.
“I await… come.. and be seeked..”
It stood still, glaring at me. I knew what it wanted, and i began to walk into the vast, dark vacuum. I didn’t look down, i didn't look up, all i saw was its eyes. I saw flames burning and contempt ran through its eyes, like blood from a corpse.
Walk and never look back, don’t be blinded by them.
I stopped right there. I didn't want to continue further. I knew what was going to happen.
You’re never safe, Alan.
It instead ran for me, picking speed like a hungry cheetah, the body of the spirits ran. I didn’t move, no i couldn’t have moved. I looked at it straight on, and i saw what i saw before. The slenderness, the sleek shape of my stalker was imminent on the congregation of spirits.
I couldn't move.
Pointing its knife straight for my neck, it came forth and jabbed, I didn't move.
But Alan.
I looked at the spirits, each one carefully, and saw pieces. Torn and ripped pieces of distorted memories.
Alan, don’t go.
Each spirit carried a ripped and distorted memory, containing images and information.
It’s just me, Alan.
I reached out and i touched a piece gently. Tears dropped from my eyes. I wasn’t safe.
Whoosh.
The background changed, outlines of shadows and darkness became enveloped by a hole. Slowly, i saw the familiar lines of the walls i stood before. The floor became wooden, and my bed appeared. I knew where i was. But i wasn’t safe. I got up, and i went to the place where it started. Where it all started. I walked emotionlessly, silent and deadly, to the bathroom. I took off everything and laid my mother’s note on the faucet and got into the bathtub. I allowed the flow of water run true to my ears, and i embraced it. I was never safe, it was all a lie. I let the crimson red liquid flow, and slowly i began to lay down. I embraced the pain, and now i’m finally safe.
I’m safe, I’m finally safe, Alan.